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emering from comic book hell.

Classical @ 10:13 pm CST

ugggh.
i'm so sleeeepy and i think i'm getting sick. my allergy medicine isn't kicking in, since my sinuses are clogged and my throat's nice and scratchy.

thus, i've come to the conclusion that i'm getting sick and it's no fair.
because it's a weekend and i have an assload of work to get done. besides homework, i really wanted to finish my comic pages by the end of this weekend...
but if i'm sick...

-sigh-

sugar cookies. <3

Classical @ 03:20 pm CST

mmmsugar.


it seems that i've gotten a little blurb in the local newspaper this week. heh, some reporter came to school many a week ago and interviewed me about the interior design class i was in (that wasn't all that great, honestly).
my picture takes up about half the article space with another girl's photo, hee. :D

and i also got my flimsy little plastic license today in the mail.
it's so tacky. they redesigned the licenses and permits and made them ugly.

but they do have holographic loons in the background, so...

welp.

Classical @ 04:30 pm CST

our school's mini-string ensemble is no more.
at least, 'til next year.

all because...
my. school. is. impossible.

leading off from my last entry's rant on our security policies...i have more to add to that.

our string ensemble was assembled by a senior violinist named sarah at my school who just graduated, early. we don't have a full orchestra program, just a few bands and choirs. no strings. our ensemble is not an "official" club or organization at our school, i suppose, but i don't honestly know what makes it official. probably with teacher supervision and leadership...
but, whatever... the point is, we were assigned a supervisor for no apparent reason. we practice every wednesday in one of the forums that's open to the main hallway, and apparently the teachers that are supervising the hall aren't good enough for the job (even though there's always a teacher who compliments us and one that thanks us weekly for the music), so they actually had to appoint someone.
i thought to myself...what the hell? even though our group is really only made up of two seniors and two sophmores, including myself, apparently we can't control ourselves, for whatever reason. we haven't been parading down the hallways and being a disruption...nor having sword fights with our bows (though it sounds fun, hee)... all we've been doing is playing music.
there's no one there after school anyway, except for some teachers and the occasional small group of students. but, even then, if these students that are seen after school can openly run around without supervision, why can't we play?

and apparently, we can't post posters, even though everyone else does it. even for birthdays. but supposedly, we have to get posters "approved" before we can post them.
it's not like we're promoting some kind of gang or religious cult or something... though heather (the other sophmore, a cellist) and i are considering "officially" naming our ensemble the "string cult" in italian, just for shits and giggles.

so apparently, even though we are well-behaved students and all we're doing is playing music in the hallways for an hour and a half after school... we can't be trusted.

the school board won't cooperate with us, either. we were planning to play at the elementary schools for the little kids there and get them really interested in the string program. it was a great mission to do...it would've really helped push the orchestral movement in our school further. it would've benefitted the tiny discussion that the school board has been havign about setting up an orchestra program.
but since we are just a bunch of students and have no supervising teacher, we can't even discuss with them leaving school grounds to play a concert. it's...it's totally appalling. our school doesn't give us any credibility.

all this mess is doing is frustrating me more.
and it's adding to anders's theory of inefficency in america.

the ensemble also quit for the year because everyone was busy... heather is in track and they meet afterschool on wednesdays, sarah graduated and has a difficult time getting into school (another problem--our security eyes us funny whenever we drag in the instrument cases like we were carrying weapons), and art club meets on wednesdays and i don't like to miss that. and i've got plenty to prepare for in the next two weeks, guh.


just...ugh.
heather and i are basically in charge of putting the ensemble back together next year, and i really don't want to have to deal with the school staff now.

would you like an order of insanity with that?

Classical @ 05:48 pm CST

i'm pondering how my day has been so far right now.
it's been quite a day.

i live in minnesota. we had a lock down drill in my high school this morning, because the red lake incident is still fresh in our minds.
but it was the most inefficent safety ordeal i had ever gone through. i'm not kidding one bit. we had to crowd into our rooms and lock the doors, then prop tables and shit up against the doors and windows if they had no blinds. then we ended up taping posterboards to the rest of the windows, 'cause the tables don't reach that high.

but the point is...all the doors have glass in them, the windows obviously just have glass in them... they're not bullet-proof. someone from outside each of the classrooms could easily shoot through it and get in, not to mention harm someone.
plus, doesn't the fact that someone from outside can see that there are tables pushed up against the windows and doors with the glass in them...doesn't that tell the intruder that someone is in there?

and i think a lot of the doors pull open from the outside, so there's no point in barracading the door. sure, we lock it, but if that's forgotten...

PLUS! we have no way of preventing harm done by students.
we are told to accept "stragglers". meaning, kids and even staff adults that get into classrooms kinda late, even if they aren't in the class. the point is...it's more likely that a student at our school would want to cause harm to other students, rather than some random adult. even a staff member in school would be more likely to, y'know, open fire or something that some person off the street.
therefor, how are we supposed to know who is safe or not? we could be accepting some kid who's carrying a pistol in his coat, because we think he is a "straggler" and we don't know of the true intentions.

and, hah, the posters we taped to the windows kept falling off. (we failed. :d)

this was the most inefficent display of mess i've ever experienced. it sounds more like a crutch rather than a safety plan... "it lacks common sense, but it sounds orderly, so it must work."
it's a perfect example of my norwegian friend anders's theory on americans that he told me while he was vacationing here over easter break..."americans try to be more efficent, but every time they do, they implode on themselves and just become more and more inefficent."

i could tell the whole story anders told me about going through five hours of lines and security to see ellis island in new york, but that's taking more time than i want to spend on this. :)


then later today...
i got into quite the heated debate on something somewhat small, since it's limited to the state next to us at the moment, wisconsin. if you've heard of the whole "legalizing hunting domestic cats" thing, then you may or may not see where i'd go with this, being an avid cat lover myself.
i think it's digusting and sick.
i mean, i don't really like hunting all that much, but i'm not normally against it. because..well, i don't know mass amounts of people that keep deers as pets. i personally wouldn't want to feel like my pet, if i had a cat at the moment that i loved like a family member, was free game outside and in danger.

i put collars on my cat, but there's always the possibility that my cat could slip out of it. we make it possible for that, lest he get himself stuck on a tree branch or something. and there's also the possibility of getting a stupid neighbor who hates cats for whatever unrational reason and decides to unload a shotgun into my pet, then removes the collar and act like it wasn't there.
it's not very reliable to say that hunting domestic cats without collars are okay, because there are some pretty prejudice and dishonest people out there.

besides, it's unfair. people claim that cats hurt the bird population.
they actually keep it pretty stable and cut down. with an overpopulation of birds because there weren't cats around to kill them, we'd have an overpopulation of disease and house problems from birds nesting in our gutters and whatnot. plus, rats would overpopulate the world without a steady balance of cats. cats killed off a lot of the black plauge by killing the sewer rats, remember?
and if the cats are breaking into your chicken coop and eating your chicks, then it's telling you that your prescious livestock isn't protected well enough, duh. if the cat is outsmarting the farmer, then there is something seriously wrong there.

the policy of "steralize-and-release" has been working very effectively to control on cat populations and breeding, too.

i've heard many people who want this to fall through because "all cats do is kill birds, piss in our yard, and scratch and bite me whenever i try to touch them."

this may sound harsh, but it's only fair that if cats are allowed to be hunted for these reasons, then people should also be able to hunt dogs.
they can kill rabbits and other small animals. that includes a few cats. many of them have the instinct to.
plus, dogs are not extempt from doing the dirty work. in fact, numerous dogs have taken shits in our yard that we've had to clean up. their urine is also more acidic than cat urine and ruins lawns and some plants. cat pee smells bad, but it has fairly little relative harm otherwise. plus, cats have an instinct to bury their feces, usually, so they don't generally go in the middle of someone's yard where they can't hide it.
and furthermore, some dogs can be more dangerous than cats. really only the biggers ones, but all dogs have the ability to bite and claw, too. cats and dogs both have the same instincts for snapping at humans-- they feel threatened. it's no different.

so if cats can be killed for these reasons, dogs could be, too.
i'm not a dog hater...really, i'm not. i am in no way totally biased against dogs.
i'm just saying that for the same reasons i've heard to legalize shooting cats, you could say the same for shooting dogs.


and now...my little brother came home, screeching and flipping out, because of an incident at his elementary school.
some kid apparently walked off campus. there's very little information as of yet, but my brother got all excited because there were policemen all over the place. even a few helicopters.
the problem is that i'm getting the feeling this kid didn't just want to leave...but he was forced to leave. i'm scared that this community i live in is becoming dumpier and worse by the day.


everything has been insane.
i'm in a heavily "ponderous" state. ponder, ponder, ponder.

wearing two-fifty-dollar shoes.

Classical @ 04:50 pm CST

i've discovered the meaning of suburban living today.

i made my first round-trip to the store and back, on my own, without a parent in the car.
yup. first ever.
was as nervous as shit.

but i came back, wheeling into my neighborhood that's less than two miles away from the store, and i had this mini ephiphany from what was happening in someone's yard.

the true essence of suburban living is...
...watching some lady scuttle across her yard in this bent-over posture with her rear end stuck up like a flagpole, picking up piles of dog crap out of the grass with a plastic bag.
...and the dog--usually a little tiny thing with overly-fluffy fur here--squatting next to the heels of her shoes and taking another dump that she's sure to step back into.



aah, more moments.
and since i scored a two-for-four deal on twelve packs of mountain dew:code red at the store, i'm a happy camper.

mm, a meaningful moment.

Classical @ 04:34 pm CST

y'know when you have those little moments in life that make you really reflect something?
i really just had one.

i had a very heartfelt conversation with a close friend of mine in the middle of my post back there. i don't think it was intended, but i was in the middle of a rant... i was really fired up.
so after discussing old relationships, stupid students, and friends, i was feeling pretty clear-conscioused there.

while i was finishing up writing, i put my headphones back on. my music was paused in the middle of a shins song.

i had paused it immediately before this line:
"but your memory is here and i'd like it to stay--one light on a winter's day."

my friend brought up the topic this morning of my first and only..."close" relationship with a guy. you know who you are, so i'll leave it at that. but there was a point where he stopped talking to me, and in the end we made up. i still talk to him today, as friends do.
i've been thinking about him and that bumpy time in my life all day. i'm feeling really "sentimental", as my friend emily always puts it.

so that was purely coindcidence. i don't think i've ever really noted that line before, and i've been listening to the shins for a while now obsessively. (...hehe, no pun intended; i have ocd.)

anyway.
that line right there made me really think about our relationship even more. it describes him to me oh-so perfectly.
it was a learning experience, that first love of mine. and it was rather awkward that line was the first thing i would hear as i turned my music back on after such a deep conversation that actually mentioned him, and the fact that i've been thinking about him a lot of the day because it was brought up for whatever reason.

"i don't look back much, as a rule."
i often think that describes him well. he said it himself once: he likes to "forgive and forget", then move on.

i think this song may have well as been made for us.

yeah, so much for a first post.

Classical @ 04:22 pm CST

it's time for my first official entry.

and it's a rant.

or just a really energized thought.
however you'd like to look at it.

i was browsing threads at gaiaonline.com in the art discussion where i lurk, and the particular number of "i hate my art teacher" threads have grown exponentially. i'm quite serious: every time i log onto that site, there's some new angsty teenager (usually female, as i've noticed, so i daresay someone lit the fuse on her tampon) bitching about how her art teacher is stupid and knows nothing and doesn't think of japanese cartooning style--"anime"-- as real art.

i've seriously given up. i stop posting in these threads. they just swarm the art discussion like a nest of ants on a cheeto. (i observed this in english class today. ew.)
i really look forward to the point where they change the forum rules to something like: "NO RANTS, BITCH."

that's why i have this little blog!
i could post how much i hate my life and miserable-quality webcam pictures of myself with lots of cleavage and then say i hate myself because i'm ugly and fat. i could post pictures of my arm all chopped up because i think i made pretty art on my arm with a knife. i could talk about how wasted i was last weekend and got so sexed up by this one guy and...[/typical teenager stereotypes]

but, no. really, i'm nothing like that. i kid completely.
please remember to hit me the first time i post some picture of my breasts, if that shameful day ever comes.

i'm a smart person. i can act like a moron, but i honestly think i have more intelligence than a lot of people around me.
or, at least, i like to think so. i have the ability to think more maturely than the rest of my peers, as i've noticed. or, if i'm not right about that, i actually show that i have intelligence higher than the average pothead around me.
but i digress. i'm coming to rather stereotypical conclusions here to merely make a point. (i'm not this prejudice, honestly.)

the thing is... i respect my elders.
i know for a fact that they have lived more years than me. it's fairly obvious! i know some pretty old people, like my health teacher and my violin teacher and whatnot. if that's not enough, i know that a lot of these people older than me have degrees in some field that they were taught and trained to speak about. i know all my teachers have teaching degrees, or they wouldn't be my teachers.

painfully obvious shit i'm babbling about, right?
the point is that i know my teachers are smarter than me. they have more knowledge than me, because they have been living longer than i have and they have tons more experience and teaching that i do in things i like to think i'm an expert in, like art.

i know who my superiors are.
i know who is better than me.
i know who is right.

it doesn't stop me from discussing whether they are actually right on a certain fact of some sort, but i know they are my superior and i know they deserve respect, because i know that they are smart.

so when it comes to these rant-infested threads i come across, saying that their art teacher is a moron and doesn't know anything just because they won't let them draw in a particular style that i don't often consider very well done anyway, i merely shake my head and make this scowl at my computer screen that i have found myself making more and more recently.

my first reaction is to always ask them what the assignment was.
wanna guess what it was? really, go take a guess.
...
it's always a practice in realism.

so this student gets pissed off because their teacher doesn't accept a sublevel of extremely simplified realism--the stuff they call "anime"--for their assignment. wow, that makes a lot of sense.
then they go off, ranting and moaning about their dumbass teacher that doesn't know what art really is.

sure, i'm all for "freedom of expression". i don't like censorship and all that, and i fight vigorously against any of the sort.
but when i know that my teachers are only thinking for the better of me and my artistic career, and ask me to do a piece with full tonal and tinting value, realism, and all that, i do it. i know that my teacher does not want to fail me.
believe it or not, teenagers! your teacher does not want to fail you. they don't want you back if you sat there and misbehaved through the whole term! i mean, god damn, doesn't that make sense? i avoid things that make me upset or angry like the plauge... my teachers and elders are no different than me (maybe a little less extreme). they're not going to want to bring back stupid students, so how can you possibly automatically assume they want to always fail you?

and assuming that your teacher doesn't know what art is, because you failed to follow the rules of the assignment in the teacher's classroom, not yours... wow, that's pretty shallow.

your teacher will respect you like a human being and a young adult until they find out that you still actually have the mentality of a five-year-old.
if you throw fits in class because you didn't get your way, or disrespect the teacher completely, or whatever, then don't expect them to treat you like the king or queen of the classroom. people who treat teachers like this, completely disregarding their intelligence level and assuming that they are better than them, even though the student is always younger than the teacher... people like this are dumbasses.

have some class. have some respect.
either they'll learn better and shape up to become reasonable adults, or they'll spend the rest of their life in misery. i personally don't give a damn which way they go. i really don't care what people do with their lives, unless they are really close to me. but even then, i have little influence.
i mean, it's their choice what they do with their life. if they don't take advice from people who are smarter then them and then smarten up in return, they'll suffer because of it.
it's called karma. yeah, i believe in that theory a lot... more and more so these days.

sigh.
i'm quite finished now. i was called in the middle of writing this and my train of thought is kinda missing now. oh well. i got a lot of things off my chest here.

so here we go!

Classical @ 06:38 pm CST

well, here's for the first post in this new blog o' mine.

i think i've played with the damned layout and coding long enough tonight, but i don't know if i'm done or not with everything.. so be on the lookout for new stuff.

i'll make a proper entry later.
but for now: woot!