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emo?

Classical @ 11:21 pm CST

"i'm the smartest, most handsome, most physically fit,
but no one else seems to wee-a-wize it."
XDD

name that song and win a cookie. send me a recording of it and i will marry you! i want to memorize it and be able to quote it on command the next time anyone comes angsting to me.
will probably also aid in keeping me from being mopey.

but. yes.
i digress.

i had a fun night stemming from a heated debated against overpowered moderators in a forum i'm on, which somehow turned into how north korea is like emo kids.

wheeeee.
[/pointless entry]

gaaaah! -shreds hair-

Classical @ 09:38 pm CST

booooorrred.
gah. i don't get truly bored very often, so when times like these come along, i don't know what to do with myself. ._.

...no, i'm not kidding! normally, i can keep myself really occupied.
but on these long breaks, i tend to have days where i'm just lying around all day, munching on too much crap and doing nothing.

i tried going to the mall, playing video games, watching movies, chatting with people, poking around on the 'net, drawing stuff, even running around outside in the snow. but nothing's worked and I AM SO BORED. D:

maybe i'll go write a letter to katie. i wanna send something out to her for her birthday this week, anyway.
...speaking of, she did me some marvelous brithday piccus. <333 which i'll never be able to match... at this rate, i won't have anything drawn for her birthday. D;

death to laziness!
blaaah...

random?

Classical @ 09:05 pm CST

saw rent today, liek whoa.
and that's the movie, mind you. :B

uhhh... pottery marathon was funfun, 'cept when i wanted to try to catch a few hours of sleep and no one else really wanted to, so they started running around in the hallways and blasting music. so i dragged kendra home and got a marvelous two and a half hours of sleep.
it got me through my one exam first period, so that's all that really matters.

but i did have a weird sleep last night becuase of that and probably the last two weeks of non-sleepage. i collapsed in bed at four after school and slept all the way 'til one in the morning. so bored. there's nothing to really do that early in the morning when it feels like it should be at least nine and no one's around... but i eventually crawled back into bed at four or so and slept 'til eleven.

and. uhm. uhm.
bought combat boots! FUZZY combat boots.
well, they're really not "combat" boots, but they are indeed tall and keep my toesies cozy. and they don't really match with anything i wear, but i saw them and was all, "OMG HEART <3" and had to buy them (i.e. convined my mother to buy them for me).
i still have some more clothes to buy, though. my wardrobe is becoming repetative. :/

and... er...
it's break! i should be making art, but i'm tired and have a nice headache.
and i need to go to the art store again, since i found my inking brush without a cap and all dried up and ruined-like. so i think that while i'm there, i can convince my mother, again, to perhaps buy me some good watercolor paper that'll cost me, like, $25 for a block. ouch.

-wanders back to video games-

i have a plea.

Classical @ 06:09 pm CST

so. yeah. haven't written for a while.

pretty much due to the fact that i've been spending so much time with the musical and the pit stuff and whenever i'm done with that for the day, the rest of it has mostly been spent homework-ing which never ends. sigh.
none of which i have actually started for this weekend yet, since i honestly have been busy since the start of last night 'til now...and won't happen until tomorrow, probably.

between this last entry and now i've turned seventeen, seen the harry potter premiere at midnight, felt awkward and stupid around some people, missed some people, got lost in the middle of nowhere and in the middle of somewhere, and complentated telling my parents about what's really going on in my mind.

i'm just...itching to spew it all before i do something impulsively stupid, like pack up and run off forever. i feel trapped, confused, and i probably sound oh-so stupidly emo right now. but i'm being honest about it, and i'm really not doing this for attention. because if i was, i'd be lying about my honesty. i just need to get it off before i blow up.

i really feel miserable sometimes because people just honestly don't get me. they don't know what i really am, what i think, what i believe, what i want, what i dream... nobody knows. they may have fragments of what i really am in their minds and see me as more closer to the truth than others, but no one completely knows what i am.

in fact, i don't completely know what i am.

but, me verses the rest of the world, i have the best understanding of myself than anyone else and everyone else is wrong, or "more wrong" that i am.
so when my mother told me to stop freaking out about my sister wearing my clothing because it's just a shirt, she doesn't understand that i don't like it when people borrow my things without asking, especially considering the fact that my sister not only invaded the little piece of privacy that i have in my house--my room--but she's fucking wearing my clothing and getting her goddamn skin cells on it.

okay?

you see it?
my parents don't understand what i am. they don't know that i have ocd, i don't believe in god, i want to live simply in the future, i don't want to make it big, i want to be alone, i want to burn all bibles in this world because they have a tendancy to make people so fucking stupid.

this more or less applies to my parents, simply because i've been butting heads with them on so many levels as of late, but it doesn't mean that i'm excluding the rest of the people i know in my life--friends, teachers, classmates, whatever.

i have a plea.
please stop assuming that your reality of me is always the absolute truth in any situation, because you don't know me. i've come to terms to believe that what i know myself as is not always the truth, because i sometimes make myself into a hypocrite.

i suppose that opens up a variety of questions. i suppose you could argue that how do i know what is the real truth about me and what is not, so where do i tell people to stop assuming the truths if they actually know the truth? i suppose it also says that if it applies to all of humanity, then where do i draw the line between truth and fiction in the people that i know?

i don't know the answers to these questions. not yet.
but it would help me a lot better if people would just stop refusing to learn about what i am to keep their former image of me in fact and unvarying. times change, and i have. what i am is not the same as it always has been, and i've come across too many people that think that i am the past. when i have to try to convince people to stop ignoring what i've become and listening to what i maybe once was or never was but believed to be so, i waste time and i fall back two steps after taking one forward.

i am what i am.
i am the present.
i change; i move on.
so stop ignoring it.

fucking post.

Classical @ 03:25 pm CST

ARRRGH.

okay, why the fuck is mailing shit so complicated?!
in short, the box i sent over a month ago wasn't supposed to be there in two weeks, but SIX. six fucking weeks. because i sent it over "economy" instead of "airmail."

why is there a difference?! why can't there just be, like..."mail my fucking shit?!"

the post office NEVER told me there would be a difference. i figured i was saving money and getting it there within the normal two-week period. not six, man...
i'm not sure whether to blame myself for being a cheap-ass penny-pincher and being uninformed ahead of time, or to blame the post office because they never told me.

uggh! -kicks shit around-
i'm so mad, mostly for the fact that dan won't be getting his october birthday present until it's almost december. just. arrrugh.


...
in other news, i really didn't know watermelons could ooze. D:
my mom bought this watermelon at the beginning of the week. since watermelons aren't chilled in stores (i mean, they just sit in those little boxes or whatever, not in a 'fridge), my mom thought that she could just leave it out for a couple of days.

so uhm.
it EXPLODED.
yes. the skin cracked and out came this bubbling white oozy stuff and it got EVERYWHERE. XD

it was so nasty. i'm glad i really don't like watermelon from the start. :d

<3

Classical @ 08:23 pm CST

though i'm totally pissed off that i have to go to the post office and somehow find out where the fuck that package to norway went (no, it hasn't gotten there yet)...

...i am so easily amused. <3